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IMAGO THEORY We teach that all relationships go through predictable stages and however glorious it may feel…...the heady infatuation/romantic stage is not what love is really about. What are the key principles of Imago? The core of Imago theory is that everyone carries this image inside them of their "ideal partner" and that relationships have an unconscious purpose. It says that we unconsciously select a partner who has some of the best and worst characteristics of the people who raised us because we are trying to get the needs met that were not met in our childhood with someone like our parents. So unknowingly, we are drawn to and select partners who are like our parents. We all bring this unconscious agenda to our relationships. We are born in relationship, we are wounded in relationship and we are only healed in relationship. Unfortunately we are attracted to, and tend to partner with people who are most inadequately able to meet our needs!! We teach that stretching into new behaviours to meet our partners' unfulfilled needs is healing for them and at the same time it helps us to grow into ways of being that we had to hide and cut off to fit into our families and the environment that was surrounding us as children. Workshops and therapy in Imago provide the opportunity to learn and practice the skills necessary to bring this unconscious agenda to the surface. Imago facilitates deepening and strengthening of relationships and enables an understanding of the "hidden" unconscious directive of relationships. Understanding your Imago shows you why your unconscious has chosen your partner and why you keep repeating the same conflicts. It also provides tools to change destructive, repetitive patterns of relating and live the life you want with the partner you already have! "This is a revolutionary view of relationships: rather than leaving it to find yourself, you find yourself through it - being the right partner is more important than picking the right partner." Harville Hendrix
The difficulties we experience in relationship arise from our lack of awareness about what we're doing in our relationships, not from our choice of partners. If we are in a committed relationship we are usually with the "right partner". And "being the right partner is more important than picking the right partner" and we have to learn how to do this. We need to learn how to behave in different ways. When we remain unaware of the hidden agenda of love and conflict, we keep making the same mistakes. You will learn that conflict is inevitable and normal and in fact is a good thing!! We teach “conflict is actually growth trying to happen.” and how to transform our frustrations into needs and how to get those needs met. The emotional bond initially created in the early stages of a relationship can evolve into the powerful bond that is mature love. If you want your relationship/marriage to change you have to do something different. There is THE MYTH that we should know how to do relationships and if we just work harder it will change. We teach people to work "smarter" not harder and we all need to learn how to behave in different, more "smart" ways. Doing what we already know how to do will only get us more of what we have already got. Working "harder" and doing the same thing over and over and expecting something different to happen won't work. To get something different you have to do something different and we need to be taught how. Learning concrete relationship skills, tools and practical strategies is something everyone needs. Imagine creating an exceptional relationship with the partner you already have. Imagine him/her becoming the partner of your dreams. Imagine your family being a safe haven and sanctuary for everyone who lives in it. Know that it is possible. Even the most distant spouse or parent can be motivated to give it another try. Marriages do heal after affairs, separations and all kinds of disconnection and conflict. Give yourself the choice to rediscover the love you once felt and the dreams that you had. FOR THE MEN: FACT: Generally 60 - 70% of men are "dragged along" to our workshops under threat of divorce/separation. The repeated comment we hear from the men at the end of the workshop is how sad they are to realize how much damage and pain could have been avoided if they had the knowledge and skills years earlier. We repeatedly hear comments like: "It is quite amazing how simple things are when we have the right tools." STATISTIC and MYTH: Generally men think they have to be dying or that there has to be major crisis for them to seek assistance. Most people find the workshops to be an excellent experience that transforms their relationships forever. In learning this new way to love......... you will make a difference in ALL your relationships. Says Alanis MORISETTE, a trained Imago Educator: The Imago weekend workshops are intensive and powerful and are comparable to 3 to 6 months of weekly therapy. Yet, it is not a quick fix! It gives you an understanding or what is really going on in your relationships, a road map of the journey, and the tools needed to achieve a deep and lasting partnership. The key to successful relationships is your Attitude and having the Tools that create safety, intimacy and passion. Whatever your situation, Imago can show you a new way to Love.... Falling in Love is easy....Staying in Love is another matter.... Let us teach you a new way to relate….a new way to love.
Shelton Huettig, M.A., Marriage and Family Therapist Susie Itzstein, B.A., Psychotherapist/Educator
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